Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
