did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
