you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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