don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
two words: eviction party
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
