Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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