you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize