Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
