I need help removing her.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
