How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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