Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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