I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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