I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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