He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
