My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
