I skipped work to stalk him.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
