Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
