I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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