i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
