You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
