...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
