he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think I sprained my soul last night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize