he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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