I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
