if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
