Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
