Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
