I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
