Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
