I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
