I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
