he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
