ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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