it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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