Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
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I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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