did you get engaged???
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
3pm strippers are depressing
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
