we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize