Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
