UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
