So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
