I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
