I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
