i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
