i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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