yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
