Pants 0. Shit 1.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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