Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
