I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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