When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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