We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize