Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
