mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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