.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
