i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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