I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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