You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
