You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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