peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
