I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
