I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Randomize
