Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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