At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
