it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
