you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I puked a lego.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize