She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
