He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
