She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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