3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
