Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.

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(315): View more from New York

He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

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(217): View more from Illinois

he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge

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(585): View more from New York

My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.

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(941): View more from Florida

Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays

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