Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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